I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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