DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
