I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
