Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
