Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
