Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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