Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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