just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
