Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
