I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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