He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
