What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
