my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
