I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
