yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
