She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
