Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
