so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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