its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
