I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
