I accidentally had phone sex last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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