I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
