I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
PANTIES FOUND
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
