the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
