I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
