neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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