I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
