You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
