the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
