70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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