He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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