your parents love me but you hate me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
