I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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