apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
