There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
