I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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