Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
