Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
