You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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