I can text with my tongue
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I miss vodka workout Fridays
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
