I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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