Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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