You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
