It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
