also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
