She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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