I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
