I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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