oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
