There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
