Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
