You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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