I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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