I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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