Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
